Gambling an addictive drug
Royal Ascot is undoubtedly Flat racing’s biggest event of the year – attracting many of the world’s finest racehorses and piss-artists to Berkshire for this
for this prestigious five-day festival.
But if this is your first visit to Royal Ascot, never fear! We’ve devised this handy little survival guide to help you get through it unscathed.
For many punters, the sight of large galloping beasts with little men in flamboyant shirts on their backs, is an unwelcome distraction from a five-day alcohol-soaked bender. But remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. The last thing you want is to find yourself puking into a crap-filled portaloo halfway through day one.
So, if you can’t drink for sh*t, pace yourself. Take breakfast for example. Instead of sucking prosecco from the bottle like a ravenous piglet at its mother’s teat, have a cup of Earl Grey with your fry up. Drink for five solid days responsibly.
The public service initiative will provide temporary accommodation for 50 rat arsed race goers to sleep off the booze inside a 6 x 2 metre container mounted on a lorry.
Well, why wouldn’t you?
Lennon’s side, a paltry 13 points clear of second-place Rangers, were controversially handed the title after SPL clubs settled on ending the season early.
Realising that a title presentation wasn’t possible, the former Hoops midfielder took a taxi to SPL headquarters – via an off-licence – to collect his team’s prize.
While balancing the trophy and a hefty bag of cans on his lap, Lennon directed the cab driver to a nearby woodland area.
The 48-year-old Lurgan man spent the evening posing for selfies with the Scottish Premiership trophy while sinking tins of a well-known Scottish lager that tastes like urine.
An inebriated Lennon posted the pics, along with a video of himself singing ‘9 in a row’, to his Instagram story before falling asleep in the woods.
Lennon was discovered the next morning by a dog walker who found the former Leicester City star on the floor, surrounded by empty beer cans and using the SPL trophy as a pillow.
Recalling the moment he stumbled upon the ex-Northern Ireland international, dog walker Bob Woodhouse told us: ‘My beloved Alsatian, Sasha, had just stopped for a sh*te, when I saw something peculiar lying on the ground.
‘Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a ginger small man curled up in the foetal position.
‘When Sasha licked his face, the wee man leapt to his feet. I couldnae believe it was Neil Lennon.’
Find a full range of football odds over on paddypower.com‘That’s when Sasha accidentally bit him’, claimed the Rangers season ticket holder.
After a quick search of the forest for his front door key and phone, Lennon ordered a taxi home.
Recalling his journey with the Celtic boss, cab driver Travis McBickle said: ‘He got in the car and asked me if I was busy, what time I was on to, the usual sh*te. Then he spent the rest of the ride home sighing and deleting his Instagram story’.
A hungover Lennon later Tweeted: ‘That’s me off it’.
