Tag: despair

Royal Ascot is undoubtedly Flat racing’s biggest event of the year – attracting many of the world’s finest racehorses and piss-artists to Berkshire for this

for this prestigious five-day festival.

But if this is your first visit to Royal Ascot, never fear! We’ve devised this handy little survival guide to help you get through it unscathed.

1. Handle your drink

For many punters, the sight of large galloping beasts with little men in flamboyant shirts on their backs, is an unwelcome distraction from a five-day alcohol-soaked bender. But remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. The last thing you want is to find yourself puking into a crap-filled portaloo halfway through day one.

So, if you can’t drink for sh*t, pace yourself. Take breakfast for example. Instead of sucking prosecco from the bottle like a ravenous piglet at its mother’s teat, have a cup of Earl Grey with your fry up. Drink for five solid days responsibly.

Paddy’s got your back with his Royal Ascot survival guide