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West Ham’s owners will send a package to David Moyes tonight. Inside will be a beautiful, gold dildo with the words โSave Usโ written on it.


Well, why wouldn’t you?
Lennonโs side, a paltry 13 points clear of second-place Rangers, were controversially handed the title after SPL clubs settled on ending the season early.
Realising that a title presentation wasnโt possible, the former Hoops midfielder took a taxi to SPL headquarters โ via an off-licence โ to collect his teamโs prize.
While balancing the trophy and a hefty bag of cans on his lap, Lennon directed the cab driver to a nearby woodland area.
The 48-year-old Lurgan man spent the evening posing for selfies with the Scottish Premiership trophy while sinking tins of a well-known Scottish lager that tastes like urine.
An inebriated Lennon posted the pics, along with a video of himself singing โ9 in a rowโ, to his Instagram story before falling asleep in the woods.
Lennon was discovered the next morning by a dog walker who found the former Leicester City star on the floor, surrounded by empty beer cans and using the SPL trophy as a pillow.
Recalling the moment he stumbled upon the ex-Northern Ireland international, dog walker Bob Woodhouse told us: โMy beloved Alsatian, Sasha, had just stopped for a sh*te, when I saw something peculiar lying on the ground.
โUpon closer inspection, it appeared to be a ginger small man curled up in the foetal position.
โWhen Sasha licked his face, the wee man leapt to his feet. I couldnae believe it was Neil Lennon.โ

Find a full range of football odds over on paddypower.comโThatโs when Sasha accidentally bit himโ, claimed the Rangers season ticket holder.
After a quick search of the forest for his front door key and phone, Lennon ordered a taxi home.
Recalling his journey with the Celtic boss, cab driver Travis McBickle said: โHe got in the car and asked me if I was busy, what time I was on to, the usual sh*te. Then he spent the rest of the ride home sighing and deleting his Instagram storyโ.
A hungover Lennon later Tweeted: โThatโs me off itโ.
